Hello from beautiful Montana:

Today on my radio show Ask Auntie Artichoke Anything at http://blogtalkradio.com/auntieartichoke the subject was young pre-adolescents or "tween agers"

Three times I was asked last week by former participants in my parenting classes, "Why does my fourth grader forget his lunch?" "Why can't my fifth grade son make friends?" "Is my daughter lazy?"

Ages and Stages

This is called the "gang age."  It is more important to be considered "in with the crowd" than to worry about silly things like homework assignments and jackets.

Friendship is important now in order to learn leadership, be part of a team and cooperation.  When I teach my class on The Left Out Child-The Importance of Friendship it is usually filled with parents of 5 year olds and 10 year olds, both difficult ages.

Need Reassurance They Are Loved and Needed

They may want and need hugs and pats on the backs, but are embarrassed to ask for them. They want to belong to the tribe, community or family unit but sometimes have conflicts over doing their share of the workload.

Set consistent boundaries and be firm and kind in your discipline.  They need to know they are safe and valued as a member of the group or family.

May Not Listen To What You Say, But Watch What You Do

Because the tweenager is trying to become an adult, he is anxious to observe how adults in his circle of influence act and model behavior.  If there is too much difference between what is said and what is done, the adult may lose credibility in the eyes of the young adult.

Check out http://www.KidsChoresAndMore.com   for my book on getting your kids to help around the house.

Good luck, You are doing the most important work in the world, raising responsible children.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

PS: If your family is having some severe problems you may want to visit this site.  I have recommended the program to many families and have seen amazing results.


It can actually transform your family into a more cooperative, communicating and calm team.  If you are considering family counseling, take a look at this program first.  It is very effective with the families who use it.

Hug Your Kid Today

No matter how annoyed or perplexed you are about the actions of your 9,10 and 11 year old child, give him/her a hug today.  Remind them they are loved, important and valued.

You do an important work and I want to invite you to visit my website  or the
  http://budurl.com/transform  site for more information.

You are Loved, You are Valued and You are Important

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

9,10 and 11 Year Old Kids-Why Do They Do What They Do and Don’t Do?