Hello from beautiful Montana:
Conflict is good most of the time. It helps us to see many sides and solutions to a problem. But some types of conflict produces only bad feelings and violent reactions.
If a situation has elevated beyond a friendly exchange of ideas, then you need to know how to resolve that conflict with confidence and assertive communication.
Besides being either a source of growth or a source of irritation in a family or organisation, conflict is also unavoidable. As long as there are human beings involved there will be differences of opinions or methods of accomplishing a goal.
Personal and Professional Relationships
Regardless of the type of conflict — a neighbor who allows his dog to run free, your teenager who refuses to keep his curfew, a boss who is demeaning at work or a co-worker who feels free to criticize your religion, it is a daily part of life.
Assertive communication is the only response which will give you the opportunity to resolve the conflict in a win-win method. You will then have a productive outcome rather than hurt feelings, resentment and passive aggressive behavior.
Assertive Behavior Has Clear Boundaries
- Resist the temptation to start the resolution with “you make me… or you said this…” You statements always put the other person in a defensive mode.
- You will get more by defining the conflict in terms of your needs and feelings. Using “I statements” allows you to state your needs. Make the statements in a neutral or calm voice.
- Ask the other person about possible solutions. After you have stated your needs; “I need to know that you will honor your curfew so I don’t worry about you. Help me understand why you are having trouble getting home on time.”
- Don’t be to eager to talk but listen to what the other person says. Be patient and let the other person formulate an answer. Assertive people are self-confident enough to hear the truth and respect other viewpoints.
- Choose a win-win solution. Conflict is not resolved if you have won and the other has lost. What is a solution that will be fair to all parties?
The question then is not how to avoid conflict, but rather how to manage or resolve it productively. If you practice these few techniques, you will be more comfortable and confident in recognizing what you need and deserve from relationships. You will also have more insight into what others need and deserve from you.
You can do it. I have confidence in you. If you need more assistance, claim the free e-course at http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com
You will be glad you did. It can change your life for the better.
Your friend,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
