Hello from beautiful Montana:
The holidays are a traditional time of joy and laughter, family and friends, opportunities to get together and have parties with co-workers and neighbors. But, while you are grieving a loss of a loved one (human or animal) it may be hard to cope with the holidays.
Mixed Emotions and Mixed Messages
If you are grieving a fresh loss or even remembering the loss of a loved one from years ago, you may be experiencing a huge spectrum of emotions and feelings. You may also feel so overwhelmed with the demands on your time and energy that you resent others who may be trying to make you feel included and wanted.
An invitation to a party may make you feel guilty if you go and enjoy yourself. You may anticipate that others will think less of you if you are not sufficiently sad. It is a no-win situation. The best choice is the choice that takes care of you.
Allow Yourself To Just Be Human
It is important to practice self-care this season. The best present you can give others is a healthy you and that will not happen if you feel overworked, over shopped, over spent and over tired. Explain to others that this year you will be cutting back on everything, so they should not take it personally.
If you feel you must go to an event, come later or leave early as your energy dictates. If you are ask to contribute food or decorations, just buy them or say not this year. It is okay to take care of you and your emotions.
Tell Others Clearly What You Want and Need
Don’t be shy or embarrassed to let others know what will make the holidays easier for you. They are not mind readers and most people would prefer a no rather than a maybe. If you are clear in your mind that you need time and emotional support rather than a George Foreman Grill, then say so. Speak in a neutral (not angry or passive) voice about what you want and also what you will be able to do in the holiday season.
Invitation to a Free Tele-Seminar on Sunday December 6, 2009 at 3 PM PST.
As my gift to those of you who are grieving or sad, I will be offering a free seminar on Coping With The Holidays on Sunday December 6,2009. The call in number is 1-641-715-3200 and the pass code is 244919#
I will “see” you there.
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker