Hello from Montana:
I am very outgoing and confident in new situations and enjoy meeting strangers and turning them into friends. My husband Dwain, on the other hand, is very uncomfortable in groups and becomes anxious about situations where he is the "new guy."
Anxiety Serves a Purpose in Life
Anxiety can serve us well by alerting us to real danger in life. It can also put an edge on your performance on the sports field or business boardroom. However, when anxiety and shyness keeps us from participating in life because of fear, then we owe it to ourselves to find ways to overcome or control those feelings and behaviors.
Thoughts and Belief Systems Cause Action
The first step in overcoming anxiety is recognizing that our thoughts create our own personal reality. If we think people are not friendly and will reject our friendship, we give out non verbal signals that indicate our reluctance to make friends.
Perhaps in the past you have been rejected or at least perceived that you had not been welcomed. Even though past events cannot be changed, your thoughts about the past do influence your present life. You can make a conscious choice to control your future by putting a new frame of thought about that and other past events.
Be At Ease And Confident
Your goal is not to be relaxed at all times, but rather to be at ease with who you are and what is going on in your life. This takes developing inner self-confidence and self acceptance in social situations. Learning to speak and act in an assertive manner, which is empowering and a win-win for everyone involved, is a great way to overcome anxiety and shyness.
Be Honest and Natural
In our family, we found the win-win solution was to stay by Dwain when we first entered a party. I would introduce him to a few people and then feel free to circulate. We both agreed on a secret signal that if he was clearly uncomfortable, he would touch me on the shoulder. When I felt the tap, it meant that I was free to stay and visit, but he was going to the car to read his book.
Create More Confidence
Good Luck in all you do,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke