“How was your day?” “Did you make the team?” “”Why didn’t you take out the garbage like I told you too?” “How come you always throw your coat on the sofa instead of hanging it up?” “ You never do this, that or the other?”
Sound familiar? It is so easy to greet our returning family to a list of negative problems that may have occurred during the day. We use the safe mode of family relationships to be a dumping ground for all that has gone wrong during the day.
Almost subconsciously, the members of the family prepare by gathering evidence to show what a rotten day they have had, and thus deserve some relaxation and space to recover. Home is where we can truly be ourselves, but often we set up a self-fulfilling prophecy if we focus on what went wrong in our daily life.
Here are 3 tips to switch the negative to the positive
- 1. Allow a few minutes to relax and regroup at end of day. Just a few minutes of calm before transitioning into the role of family participant and contributor and make a big difference.
- 2. Ask the WWW question. What Went Well? Even in the most discouraging and disappointing activities, there was something that went well. As you begin to notice what goes well, you are more attuned to all the things that did go right as opposed to the few that went wrong.
- 3. Focus on the solutions rather than the problems. Brainstorm on remedies rather than finding fault. For every situation, there are at least five different solutions. As we encourage each other to be problem solvers, we expand our minds and our world.
Positive Relationships Are Not Perfect
Lots of negative stuff happens in everyday life and it is silly to pretend that it doesn’t. It happens to us and our loved ones and it is all around us in media. We are all bombarded by all the bad, ugly and mean. But we don’t have to focus on it and make it the center of our relationships.
As humans, we get to make choices and the choices we make impact how our lives and the lives of our loved ones will go each day. So I am asking you to focus on what went right, even when some things went wrong or a lot of things went wrong, look for what went well in our day.
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