Hello from beautiful Montana:
What to do with the mad that you feel? That is a question Mr. Rogers used to ask on his television show. Why do we try to blame others when we get angry? We all get mad sometimes. Children, adults and even animals get angry over some of the silliest reasons to us, but the reasons are important to them.
However, the anger over a specific incident is usually just the tip of the iceberg. There is almost always a deeper need that has not been met. Here are 5 reasons why children get angry. I learned them at a parents meeting recently and they make sense to me.
I have put a suggestion or example of a problem that relates to the reason. You may be able to come up with more concrete examples from your family.
- There is something I’m doing that I don’t want to do. (I don’t know why I have to take the garbage out every day. Why can’t people stop bossing me around?”)
- There is something happening that I don’t like. ( I am not ready to go to bed. I am right in the middle of the game and now I have to go to bed.)
- There is something I need that I am not getting. ( I am really scared about the bully on the playground, but if I tell then I will seem like a baby.)
- There is something I’m getting that I don’t want. ( Why am I being blamed and punished for breaking the rules when it wasn’t even my fault?)
- There is something I’m not doing that I need to do. (okay, okay, so I know Iam supposed to do my homework but I forgot.)
Everyone gets angry and mad sometimes and parents can help themselves and their children handle these feelings by looking at the underlying needs. What is the real reason they are angry?
It is hard for children to learn not to hit or hurt others when they are frustrated. But, parents can model acceptable behavior and encourage talking about feelings. When there is a close bond, children are more likely to want to please their parents and make wise choices.
I invite you to claim your free eBook on using positive langauge and non verbal communication with friends, family and self. Please check out http://www.useencouragingwords.com
You will feel that it was written for you. And it was.
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
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