Hello from beautiful Montana:
Conflict is inevitable. As long as we have at least two human beings interacting, we will have at least two opinions on how things should be done. You cannot avoid conflict, but you can control it with confidence and a desire to find peaceful solutions.
Have you ever been drawn into a match of wills at work or home only to find that once you jumped in, you could not find a graceful way out? Maybe you were hoping that the other person would just give up or someone would come along to rescue you.
I have listed some ideas for you to use to rescue yourself. Read and reread and then practice these behaviors and you will see less conflict and more cooperation.
Four Confidence Clues
- Speak in short sentences. Say what you need to say, but don’t belittle the situation or the other person with long explanations. For instance, instead of saying; “Look you jerk, I worked my tail off preparing that report and all you could do is find one little error and want me to do it over again and I don’t have the time or energy to rework something that is good enough for most people.” How about saying; “I see the error you are concerned about.”
- Slow down your emotional response. Your first response is usually knee jerk reaction of revealing all the resentment, anger and justification of your actions. Your rate of speech will be very rapid and fast. When we speak rapidly, we often make mistakes or say things that are better left unsaid. Our mind also races ahead of our ability to think and form our answers. You will want to slow down so that you appear to be rational and mature.
- Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body or non verbal communication is the language of relationships. If your arms are crossed and foot is tapping, it sends a defensive signal right away to the other person. If possible, take a few deep breaths, put your shoulders back and put one hand in your pocket and the other hanging loosely at your side.
- Deepen your voice. Stress and anger can tighten your vocal cords, making your voice come out high and screech like. This higher pitch sends a message that you are vulnerable and emotionally overwrought. When you breathe as listed above, you will naturally relax and you will feel and hear a deeper, more confident voice coming out of your mouth. Your goal is not to avoid conflict, because that is impossible, but to control it with confidence and courage.
You can do it. I have confidence in you. If you would like to build more confidence in yourself http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com
You will be glad you made the decision to build your self confidence so you can control conflict in your life. How have you handled conflict in the past? Has that method worked for you? Leave a comment and let’s start a dialog about controlling conflict with confidence.
Your Friend,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
