Hello from beautiful Montana:
Have you ever been yelled at by your boss in front of co-workers? Has your two year old toddler had a melt down at the grocery store? Are you able to set
boundaries for acceptable behavior from others and still been able to maintain emotional control?
Those who have a solid self image and have worked on their confidence usually have an advantage when it comes to conflicts or confrontations.
Being Assertive Is Not Easy, But Necessary
Those who want to manipulate and embarrass will usually target your feelings and emotions in order to put you on the defense. This is the same tactics used by bullies on the playground and jerks in the parking lot. It is a desire on their part to gain power and try to make you feel “less than.”
When we are functioning rationally, we recognize that while we aren’t perfect, we try hard to do a good job and deserve respect. We want to treat others as we would like to be treated, and so work to develop win-win situations.
If you would like assistance in finding the right words and phrases to overcome bullies please see http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com for a free e-course.
Control of Emotions Deflates Explosive Situations
When attacked verbally or manipulated, all humans tend to have a knee-jerk response to confrontation. It as if only one face, situation, accusation or tantrum is open to our heart, mind and reactions. When we are being assaulted it is very natural to lose control or act outside the guidelines and standards of our life.
Set Boundaries When Buttons Are Pushed
Let’s face it, we all lose our cool occasionally or have buttons that others can either knowingly or unknowingly push which cause our emotions to spiral out of control.
There are words, gesture, phrases, situations personality traits and especially body language which trigger our hot buttons. When those buttons are pushed, or boundaries are crossed, we often retaliate by saying “You made me angry.” But actually, we choose to be angry.
By establishing boundaries of acceptable behavior you will be able to fall back on assertive tactics and maintain your emotional control. You will be more comfortable in relationships when you set boundaries that you will not accept.
- I will not allow you to yell at me. If you want to talk about the matter in a calm voice, let me know and I will be happy to discuss it further.
- I am sorry you choose to scream in the store. Remember, we talked about using a polite voice. We will go out to the car and maybe try coming back later.
- I am angry about what just happened in the lunchroom. You may not like me, but you do have to speak to me with respect. Please do not embarrass me in front of others ever again.
You are a strong and valuable person and I am proud of you for working on the skill of setting boundaries and maintaining emotional control in relationships.
You can do it. I have confidence in you.
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker