4 Step Model For Setting Boundaries–Be Firm, But Kind (EXPERT)

We teach other people how to treat us. If we want to others to respect our boundaries then we must make changes in our behavior.

To be effective in changing your old patterns and your expectations in others, you must be:
1. Firm
2. Kind
3. Consistent

Use the following dialog to practice this new skill. Remember to keep your tone of voice neutral or non-agressive. With your facial expression, body language and verbal language give the message; “I want you to pay attention to what I am telling you. This is important to me and I am serious.”

INFORM the person in a non-combative tone of voice of your boundary. “I can hear you when you speak in a regular tone of voice. Did you realize you were yelling?”
REQUEST that they honor your boundary and heed your wishes. “I am asking that you talk to me in a respectful voice without yelling.”
INSIST that they honor your boundary, again with a firm but kind voice, shoulders back and looking at them in the eye. “I insist that when we are talking that we use appropriate voices and do not yell.”
LEAVE THE SITUATION Perhaps now is not the time or place to continue communicating with someone who refuses to respect your boundaries and treat you with respect. Leave the door open to talk later when you both can speak in a more polite manner. Continue to maintain a calm but firm voice and say, “I will not continue this conversation in this way. I welcome an opportunity to talk with you without yelling or screaming. Let me know if you decide to visit without raised voices.”

What Boundary Would You Like To Establish?

If there are old patterns, it may take some time to convince others that you are serious about sticking to your boundaries. Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and courtesy. At first, people you know may be surprised when you tell them they have crossed the line, but with persistence they will eventually respect you more.

Don’t take it personally if they reject your request to be treated with respect. You cannot assume responsibility for other people’s feeling, agendas or methods of communications. You can only state how you desire to be treated in life with a firm but kind voice as you set boundaries. Hopefully, family and friends will model this communication style and it will make for more honest and open relationships in your life.

Be sure to claim your free eBook on Use Encouraging Words at http://www.ArtichokePress.com You will be glad you did. Thanks from center of my artichoke heart for joining our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all. (c) Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” a wise woman with a global message.